Does anybody have answers for this one?

I sometimes don't understand this duality of how things work.
One theory is that if you want something bad enough and really strive for it, you eventually get it; or the universe conspires for you to get it or something like that.
And on the other hand, another theory says that don't expect, don't think about what you want so much and then things will happen for you. And I just don't understand which approach works.....

I know the book says work, but don't think about the results. But isn't it the result that we are working for? How do you separate yourself from your aim?

What differentiates a doodle from a painting... can the doodle ever be a masterpiece?

If you're not thin, you're fat

Changing Standards.. different places... You still conform. Wherever you go.

NID - a place so different from the "outside world" that you feel that here everyone is absolutely free to be whoever they want to be... But it can be the exact opposite of this here. We might be different from outside, but very similar to each other.

You are weird if you sleep on the same date you woke up, if your clothes are clean and your hair is perfect even at the end of the day... and we all conform.

Standards of thin... There is no in-between, no average. If you are not thin, you are fat, no matter what the world may think.

One thing I absolutely love about this place is that there are so many places to sit everywhere, platforms, concrete chairs, blocks, anything...; and what is even better, that we still sit on the ground around those places... anything goes...

You get so used to the "weirdness" here that you feel like an outsider to the outside world.....

7-9-2007 6:10pm BMW

Today I saw a snail eating ketchup.

The date is just a number

Ok, ok.. I know I've been away for quite a while.... Not that I didn't have anything to say (although the mind does become quite blank after the jury and the three weeks at home really blunts the thinking process...... but that's another story :)) but yes, sentences weren't forming and when they were, paragraphs weren't forming... So I'm trying to write a spontaneous post and see how it is.. :)

Was thinking I should update some stuff before end of the year.... That made me think... New year resolutions, procrastinations, planning... how we are influenced by numbers.... after all, Date is also just a number..... Why is it so important? Would I still be writing this post if I hadn't realized that it's December already and I haven't written since September.. (12-9=3.. wow big number)..? Can we really even imagine a life without numbers??? No numbers, no Maths, no logic, no grammar, no text...........!?

Anyway... another number.. 2:10 am.. time to sleep.. Yes, I surrender to numbers (as if I was trying to fight!)... Will try to put the pending posts by the end of the year... or at least will keep thinking about it! :)

The bead box

Different colours... big, small, round, square, shiny, dull, smooth, grainy... glass, plastic, wood, metal, earth...

Very few of them strung together... just randomly lying about.. sometimes shuffling, making that pretty noise...


Some strings, wires, hooks and screws to make jewellery... none complete yet.

Beads that are never still.. exchanging places, sometimes hidden below, sometimes on the surfaces, sometimes falling outside, sometimes I put them back in.

Beads separate, different, together in the box right now.

From my scrap notebook....

Cake

Sitting outside the rec room after drizzle 27-8-7 11:20pm Monsoon.... Chai.
Sounds
1 A constant, faint base note - the regular sound of water flowing down some pipe
2 Water trickling down at different places pit pat splat
3 Constant blaring of tv in the background, loud and heavy
4 Cricket
5 Feet of people passing by, crunch crunch crunchy
6 Some bird - high pitched, quite regular
7 Very pleasant, delicate, faint drops of water, garnish
8 And if I listen carefully, the sound of my own breathing.

Birdwatching :)

One of the best things about sitting in the library (apart from The Art of Looking Sideways) is that when you sit next to the window you get to stare at the lawn for as long as you want...

So, on one such afternoon....

Birds on the lawn; they are just like us; maybe us as kids, when our behaviour was unpretentious, directly reflective of what we were thinking.. Chasing after useless things... polythene, feather.... and when someone has it, they all fight for it. After a while, they give up and look for something else so the one who has it, now not getting any attention, loses interest in it.

So much like the way we are....

doodle mind

The doodle book
The doodle brain
The doodle mind
Twisting into noodle
Entangled and tied
Some open ends
Some lost strings
Appearing and disappearing
Knots, loops, ends
Doodle noodle spaghetti
Fruit salad
Word Salad
Twisting and tumbling knots
And some smooth strings...
Somewhat jumbled
Just let it be......

11-2-7 2:30pm nid

Catcher in the Rye

When you can see yourself in a story... Right when you are reading, you ARE the character. It's like reading a mirror or your own journal or looking at your pictures and telling yourself your stories.
Feeling lost and depressed and sitting alone among people, with nothing to do at night, just as Holden goes to Ernie's.
Don't want to go back to my room but feeling lonesome among familiar faces; yet wanting to be alone.
"Yellow"
Don't actually mind being "depressed".
Feeling contained yet intruded. Feeling awkward, but this is the most comfortable I can get for now. Being in a submarine, watching the world from a safe window. Soundproofing myself, but can't thoughtproof... The mind has no cover....
This is a very uncomfortable way of making myself feel comfortable....

14/7/7 12:20am nightmess book,music,chai