The bead box

Different colours... big, small, round, square, shiny, dull, smooth, grainy... glass, plastic, wood, metal, earth...

Very few of them strung together... just randomly lying about.. sometimes shuffling, making that pretty noise...


Some strings, wires, hooks and screws to make jewellery... none complete yet.

Beads that are never still.. exchanging places, sometimes hidden below, sometimes on the surfaces, sometimes falling outside, sometimes I put them back in.

Beads separate, different, together in the box right now.

From my scrap notebook....

Cake

Sitting outside the rec room after drizzle 27-8-7 11:20pm Monsoon.... Chai.
Sounds
1 A constant, faint base note - the regular sound of water flowing down some pipe
2 Water trickling down at different places pit pat splat
3 Constant blaring of tv in the background, loud and heavy
4 Cricket
5 Feet of people passing by, crunch crunch crunchy
6 Some bird - high pitched, quite regular
7 Very pleasant, delicate, faint drops of water, garnish
8 And if I listen carefully, the sound of my own breathing.

Birdwatching :)

One of the best things about sitting in the library (apart from The Art of Looking Sideways) is that when you sit next to the window you get to stare at the lawn for as long as you want...

So, on one such afternoon....

Birds on the lawn; they are just like us; maybe us as kids, when our behaviour was unpretentious, directly reflective of what we were thinking.. Chasing after useless things... polythene, feather.... and when someone has it, they all fight for it. After a while, they give up and look for something else so the one who has it, now not getting any attention, loses interest in it.

So much like the way we are....

doodle mind

The doodle book
The doodle brain
The doodle mind
Twisting into noodle
Entangled and tied
Some open ends
Some lost strings
Appearing and disappearing
Knots, loops, ends
Doodle noodle spaghetti
Fruit salad
Word Salad
Twisting and tumbling knots
And some smooth strings...
Somewhat jumbled
Just let it be......

11-2-7 2:30pm nid

Catcher in the Rye

When you can see yourself in a story... Right when you are reading, you ARE the character. It's like reading a mirror or your own journal or looking at your pictures and telling yourself your stories.
Feeling lost and depressed and sitting alone among people, with nothing to do at night, just as Holden goes to Ernie's.
Don't want to go back to my room but feeling lonesome among familiar faces; yet wanting to be alone.
"Yellow"
Don't actually mind being "depressed".
Feeling contained yet intruded. Feeling awkward, but this is the most comfortable I can get for now. Being in a submarine, watching the world from a safe window. Soundproofing myself, but can't thoughtproof... The mind has no cover....
This is a very uncomfortable way of making myself feel comfortable....

14/7/7 12:20am nightmess book,music,chai

Last few days at Auroville

It is difficult to be almost torn between two beautiful places… one I am leaving and one I am going to. I don’t know if I am feeling excited or depressed. Both, I guess.. It’s weird though. I don’t take changes easily. I like continuity, not change. My mind spaces out and looks at what’s happening through a semi-transparent veil, at the same time struggling to take in as much as I can, of every second that’s left.

While I try not to think of what more I could have done, I try to think of what more I can do now, when I go back. I usually don’t realize what I have learnt, but I do remember, sometimes, how things change me. The changes have been going good… ☺

Some places stay with us long after we leave, making us feel incomplete, making us crave to get back. There are very few places like this, making us want to give back for what it has given us.

I have missed NID every single day during this time, knowing all this while that I’ll really miss this place too. Internship at Upasana, Auroville can be called as “close to perfection” in the language of a mind that drools with the thought of beads, scrap and craft. The most beautiful thing that I got out of this place is peace.

Can’t sum it up really, but wouldn’t want to put the beauty of my experience plainly…

Star gazing
Moon walking
Cycling at sunset on the red sand road

Beach mornings
Evening Movies
Feeling silence at the banyan tree

Gliding frogs and tiny lizards
Newfound pets, kichu and the dogs

Post lunch naps and tea break tripping
Off and on getting beady eyed
Little parties and lots of conversation
Walking barefeet in the “corporate” world

Three crazy pilgrims on a little bike
Trying to capture every single moment
Opening eyes to beautiful dreams
And minds to beautiful realities…. Possibilities…


I hope life brings me back here.

Perspective

Lying on the grass on Matrimandir gardens, Auroville during full moon....

I am suddenly aware of the vast horizontalness of this place and while lying down on the grass, looking at the moon, I change my perspectve. I feel like I am standing, leaning on the earth with the universe on my side, I feel like a tiny fly on a wall. The trees, buildings, all are just little bumps on the wall. There is so much more for a fly to see. And I start feeling a little detached to the earth and closer to the universe.



I am not flying, but I am in the sky.

Pondicherry Tripping

Ok, this was somewhere in Pondicherry where we saw something called "Jamai Ice Cream" and Neelam and I started tripping over it... Missing NID... missing the way we tripped over anything and would not be considered "weird". People here are too sane..
Anyway...



What is the premium section of Jamai ice cream called?
- Jamai Babu
What is the Super premium section called?
- Jamai Raja
What is Strawberry flavoured Jamai called?
- Jamai Laal
What is home delivery of theice cream called?
- Ghar Jamai
If you give a tip for the ice cream, what is it called?
- Dahej
What if you get the ice cream in marmalade and other flavours?
- "Jam"ai
What if the ice cream is distributed in a rock concert?
- "Jam"ai
What if the ice cream contains alcohol?
- Jaam ai
What happens if you eat too many ice creams and get a sore throat?
- Jam ai don't scream
What happens if a guy called Jamie has off white eyes?
- Jam ie eyes cream
What if a lake is frozen?
- Pond's cold cream

At Auroville, I am really at a risk of being sent for therapy... Need to get back to NID soon....

Auroville

There are no wicked witches here. Not the yellow brick road, but red sand winding path through this jungle. Poppy fields? Who knows.. Found opium incense though…

Alice has come to the Emerald city. Let’s see what we find along the way.
Ozoville…?
Weirder than expected, in some ways. A village where it takes more than a kilometer for a phone call or a local shop, we don’t go out after six as there are no streetlights; but people speak English and wi-fi is in the air.
I sometimes feel that this place is in a way, stuck somewhere in the middle of past, present and future, but is surviving and doing pretty well for itself. Fascinating. Auroville, the green forest that we see now, was made on a barren plateau and it powers itself largely on solar energy. I am constantly reminded of doing something in life that reaches beyond myself, and my doubts about doing something larger for the general good of the world and environment seem to fade a bit. This place is a symbol of hope for the environment and humanity.

When I finally went to Matrimandir, the experience was both extremely peaceful, yet a little scary for me. The ray of sunlight falling on the crystal, pure whiteness all around and Absolute Silence. I had never experienced such silence before. I could not hear anything outside of me. Nothing. That made me sharply aware of the sounds ringing in my ears. Three different pitches of loud ringing in my own head. How we lose track of ourselves in the outside world. The room had so much peace in it, that I realized that it is only my mind that needs to rest. By the end of the ten minutes, the ringing probably reduced, or maybe I got used to it. I wouldn’t know that until a few more visits to Matrimandir.
We have nothing else but ourselves to deal with.

I would describe Auroville as a place that gives hope and harmony. It’s beautiful, but that doesn’t make me miss college any less. As I struggle to type this on Neelam’s Mac, wishing it was Windows instead, thanking heavens for wi-fi; I count the number of days to get back to college. Almost a month.

Even though Alice likes the trip to Oz she really belongs to the Wonderland. She has the magic shoes to come back anytime she wants. And she’ll keep them safely.