Monday, August 25, 2008

(More than)10 things I hate about weddings

(In no particular order)

Having to dress up in a way that makes your parents look good.. You know what I mean? Basically, pretty clothes that make you look like an out of place underage aunty who wears the "latest fashion".... oh ya, and with delicate little pieces of jewellery....... why?? why me??? And since most weddings happen in the chilliest weather, your skin gets a permanent goose bumpy texture.. You know, the sweater / shawl won't look nice.... So basically add the anti-cold medicine cost to the going-to-the-wedding cost.
And if you see what kids have to wear, it is even more sad. 6 year old girls dressed up as item number babes, oh and their parents feel so proud.

Hired video camera people, with bright lights flashing in your eyes. They tell you to look at the camera while doing anything, so the piece of mithai might go into the eye instead of the mouth, doesn't matter, just smiiiiillleeee.... oh, once more, can you please take out the mithai ka piece and eat it again.. theek pose nahi aaya... All world’s a stage and the photographer is the director….

Huge obnoxious cellophane covered fruit baskets. Most of them are going to get rotten before somebody remembers that there is something other than mithai to be eaten. What's the point of gifting fruits? Actually, what's the point of gifting?? The gifts are such an evil on which so much can be written about… Ugly, super- expensive gold jewellery that you would never want to wear, over embellished saris that you wonder who to pass on to, crockery, appliances.. basically anything that is useless and costs money… Ever seen any of those invitation cards that say “please don’t bring gifts” (only cash)…?

Oh, one of the most disgusting things. The "noto ki mala" eeeeewwww... the sickest thing ever!!! Currency stapled on golden necklace kind of thing which the guy wears so the parents can say "ooooo we r so prosperous". Sick. Sick!! Why don't you just wear a gold biscuit around your neck? Or better, your credit card!

The baraat... oh.. the big bad baraat.... (you know, the shadi-ghodi-band routine, and ya, generator on a small truck with wires marking the territory you are supposed to move within)Being forced to "dance"... Excuse me, if I don't want to dance and you force me, I'll look like a disoriented robot doing the repetitive fake-smile-and-clap routine.... Pleeeeassee spare me!

Ok, so there you are, in your uncomfortable, almost high heels, trying to walk as gracefully as you can on the broken road, avoiding the dusty footpath and potholes, feeling overdressed, wearing make up, when you see, people who are having one of the "regular" days walk by, you know, people returning from markets, or from work, or whatever, glancing at the arbitness move by, and then you have those poor kids holding really heavy and hot tubelights on their shoulders and you feel terribly guilty about being "prosperous"... And what about the poor horse... She must be going crazy among the high decibel noise and the bright camera flash in the eyes all the time. Imagine if you were in that animal's place; and you are still used to human "civilization".
Ok, so you reach the place and wait another half an hour to get in... u know, the band guys want to make a little more money towards the end so they make them dance till you are about to lose your patience and actually barge in; and then you are welcomed by strangers with garlands etc..
You go inside and you hear blaring himesh reshamiya or something similar and obnoxious on a temporary set up "dance floor". Multicoloured lights, "DJ", kids and aunties enjoying themselves...Have you come to a wedding or a disco??
Ok, past that, you look for cold drink / soup / snack / anything to keep you occupied.... Dinner is amazing, I don't have a problem with the oil, in fact I love the red oil floating on top of the dishes... And by the time you finish dinner (overstuff yourself, actually) you are dying to go home and sleep.
The wedding, as usual, will happen in the most insane hours, or as known as "taaro ki chaon main".. You either have to go home or sleep off there only (you don't want to be seen yawning throughout the video).

So it's basically, getting overdecorated but underdressed (considering the winter), getting irritated, really bored, eating too much and dozing off. You were invited to a wedding, right?


Snehaha said...

Yes. . i totally agree. I hate the ostentatious Indian wedding. I think your are talking bout a punjabi wedding in your blog. Never been to one. ;-)

Shivani Gakhar said...

well it was north indian.... i feel nauseous by the sight of gold...

Siddhartha Joshi said...

Well I don't hate Indian weddings at all! They give me enough food for thought afterwards. I saw something interesting in a wedding last January...a rotating platform for Jaymala, with flowers from top and all the guests looking up at the bride and the groom. I completely loved it! Later in the night I also managed to sneak under the platform and saw the mechanism. I am now waiting to attend another such wedding. Who knows what I would get to witness...

Shivani Gakhar said...

maybe it will be in an amusement park with santa claus n ramleela people and shahrukh khan... uurrghhhhh!!!!!

Anonymous said...

I see. But South Indian weddings are nothing like this. Ofcourse, they are a different set of bore. My cousin married a Korean girl at Arya Samaj. The procedure sounded austere and meaningful.