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Nicknames given between 1983 and 2003
puttu
Nicknames given between 2003 and 2006
shivi
Nicknames given between 2006 and 2008
shiv
shiva
shibbo
stevehoney, stevie
tivani, tiv
bartan


hmmm.... looking forward to the trip... :)

Parallel

Taking one of the ways in the forked road.... opportunities lost, or sometimes simply given up..... makes me wonder how things would be in the other parallel universe...? What if someday, I face one of the other "me"'s... how would I feel? Are things better there or worse..? Pieces seem to somehow fit in retrospect, when I think of this life; but what if I get to see other possible ways my life would have moved.... would I become immensely dissatisfied or immensely thankful?

Probably if I were given a choice to pick from an infinite number of possible lives, I would still pick this one, not because it is the best possible, but because I've lived it.
No one knows how life would have been like if they had made some different choices, till they actually experience it, but how many of us would actually want to try out a different past / present?

The big silver number

The significance of being 25:
You are no more in the young, 18-25 age group; well almost... well, you don't feel like it. So step on to the next one - 25 to 35 - working, young professions, probably married, income (whatever), blah blah blah...
Ok these are the "marketing" terms... what else...
You feel too mature for the "18-25" and too young (not so wise) for the "25-35" age groups.

You actually start thinking (worrying) about your skin... wrinkles are a very close reality. Losing weight becomes even more difficult; you put on one kg from one piece of chocolate, so eventually you kinda start accepting it.
This is the prettiest you can be. Ever. You don't get any more good looking than this. So if you think you are not that great looking, well, then this is it.

Money becomes important, you might still be afraid to think about the future, so you think about money, instead. Career? hmmm.....

You start thinking of ways to keep in touch with your friends who will eventually get married hoping things won't change too much. They would. You know it.

You hope time slows down till you have to settle down. Well, you hope time generally slows down... And since the past (college days etc) is a fading memory of a different you and the future is uncertain as usual, you struggle to hold one in each hand but probably moving in some random, maybe diagonal direction. Well..... acceptance is something that settles in like some sand in water, some disturbance initially, and leaves it changed for good.

Sigh....

The path to acceptance.....?

An amphibian living in murky waters... jumped up into the air momentarily, tasted the fresh dew on a leaf and splashed back in..
Is it going to spend its whole life in that water with the fading memory of that moment, or being an amphibian, going to jump outside again, and risk a whole new life that seemed unparalleled in beauty, yet the scariest ever imagined...?

Anticipation

... not yet asleep.. in the middle of the night.. is it 1 or 2 am? The train stops at a random, small, almost empty station for just about enough time for me to smell the coal and have some thoughts emerge out of a just woken from half asleep state, blank mind... thoughts about what would things be like when I reach.. some anticipation, some imagination about tomorrow morning when I get there... I have the time and space to have those very subtle butterflies in my stomach, of happiness and anticipation; and the satisfaction that I am finally going there. Time to enjoy this solitary state, sharing my happy thoughts with myself, a half sleepy smile, momentary...

Who would get that in a short, cramped, heavy headed 2 hour flight.....?

Graphic details

It lasted a while.......

We're all just memories......

There's no such thing as closure

Procrastination

When in doubt, make lists

time tables, plans

colour code the calendar

When in doubt, categorize

sit down to think

pause, take another break

When in doubt, have chai

talk about it, try to forget

watch a film, take a nap

When in doubt, sleep

bite your nails, wash your face

take a walk, some fresh air

When in doubt, write

call up home, friends

doodle, scribble, sketch, trace

When.

in.

doubt.

don't.

work.

About an hour....

Walking back from insti towards the room... random thoughts... looking at the guard and wondering how it feels to eat alone in silence everyday.. sudden smell of ink as I climb up the stairs.. a long forgotten smell... that I like.... momentary smile... a tiny bit of half broken nail of my thumb rubbing against my finger.... going to my friend's room instead of mine and chatting about glass blowing, suddenly remembering my birthday when I got upset about my friends bursting balloons and making noise and I ran to another room, sat with a box of marbles, picking them up one by one, against the yellow bulb light, staring into the world inside those marbles... lines and bubbles, something I can see but can't touch....fairytale places and parallel universe places (I didn't know this word back then) must be like this.....
A short haircut, feeling the fan breeze on my neck although my fingers sweat, legs crossed, numb, listening to Amelie soundtrack.....